Today was one of those days.
I’m not even sure how to classify it, other than that.
To begin with, Michael had a bad dream at about 3:30 this morning, and I wasn’t the first responder. This is a bad thing – because if I’m not first at the scene, then his mommy is. And usually mommy’s strategy is to bring a now very wide-awake child into our room for snuggling down.
I think this worked once. Once.
After half an hour of Michael’s bedtime kinetics, I’d had enough, and scooped him up to return to his own room. He protested, cried, and kicked his covers off. He was not going back to sleep. In an effort to be kind, I took him downstairs and told my wife to try to get some sleep, since I can’t.
Michael and I sat downstairs and talked a bit, and watched some episodes of a Superman cartoon from the forties. He eventually fell asleep, and I caught an old western on AMC.
The rest of the morning I was a stumbling zombie, trying to interact with my wife and daughters in as pleasant and cogent a manner as possible, all the while my brain was a swirling mass of vaguely connected thoughts underscored with a thick layer of lethargy.
This afternoon my wife and I took Michael to the grocery store to pick up a number of things for the weekend.
Michael was at his hyperactive best, constantly chattering and asking for this and pointing out that. Despite the fact that we had a shopping list, it was nearly impossible over the din that was Michael’s voice to concentrate and strategize an efficient route. For a while my wife pushed the cart, but Michael thought it was hilariously funny to repeatedly pinch her in very inappropriate places, until I’d had enough of hearing her scream, and took over cart pushing duty.
Michael decided that daddy would get the tickle torture instead. Eventually I had to grab his hands and restrain them with one hand while pushing the cart with the other. This was the point where my wife thought it would be hilariously funny to repeatedly pinch me.
I was not so much amused by all of it, to be entirely honest.
By the time we got up to the checkout, I was really ready to not be there any more.
After I unloaded our cart, placing the approximately seven metric tons of groceries on the belt, the clerk took the first item to scan.
“Sir, this is an express line.”
Thanks for letting me know now, pal.
“I’m really sorry, I hadn’t noticed. I’m a bit distracted,” I said, indicating my red-haired passenger.
“It’s not me, it’s the people behind you,” he said. I pointed out that when we unloaded everything onto the belt, there were no people behind us.
My wife suggested that we split up, and each of the three of us pay for 12 of the items on the belt separately. Good idea, honey.
The bag of Mother’s Iced Circus Animal cookies was the one thing I extracted from the grocery bags when loading the back of the van. It rode home right next to me.
I think there are still a couple left.
Oh, you love it and you know it!!!At least Michael was happy and not crying until he bonked his nose on the car.
We should have told the clerk that the manager told us to go to his check out to see how he would handle the situation.
)
I’m with michaelsmommy: they get all snotty and I tell them they’ve been secret shopped. The look on their faces…
Mwahahaha!!!
Poor Tom! And I mean in that in all sympathy. I walked around in a daze all day today and I don’t have a 5-year-old to blame! BTW, I laughed myself silly at your wife’s idea. I hope Michael’s nose is ok . . . poor kid.
That sounded like a Lovely trip. We’ve all had those days and I must admit that I probably would have done the same as MichaelsMommy and stirred the pot a little myself too.
BTW, I saw on the news a few weeks back that Mother’s was back in business and wanted to mention it to you. I guess you already found out.
@Wife — Michael hit his nose because he was crying, remember? because he couldn’t have yet another wad of candy he demanded? BTW – I like your idea, that would have been perfect.
@cuz — I’ll remember this in case we encounter another situation like that. Assuming I have the brains to remember.
@surprised — his nose is fine. The dent was temporary, fortunately. He seems to spring back pretty quick, like well-done muffins.
@WeaselMomma — yes, Mother’s is indeed back! I’m so happy. Kellogg’s co-opted the name, but they probably have some generic, third-party OEM baking company churning out product for them. Whatever. It’s still the same line of cookies, which is all I care about.
Ha, ha, I’m with you on the cookie thing. NukeMom called me out yesterday when she was going through receipts. She said; “Honey, how come at the end of every receipt it has a Dr. Pepper and a Heath bar?” Oops. Better get ‘em on the belt earlier from now on.
I always go straight for AMC when I am up at odd hours too. Some day I will have to replace that with cartoons just like you.
@NukeDad — the trick is, shred the receipts before the wife can get to them.
@Otter — AMC has always been a standby for me, but once your child develops an opinion on your viewing options, you start heading for the cartoons. It’s just easier.
This is why I don’t like to shop. I send my wife and let her deal with the crazy checkers…