Here’s a little quiz for all the husbands out there.
Let’s say you’re working toward a deadline that is mere days away. The project has been going on for about a year, and you know you’re under the gun.
And let’s say that today you have an opportunity to work late; the last opportunity this week. Next week doesn’t really count, because it’s likely that you’ll be asked to deliver early Monday.
But let’s throw in the fact that your wife has been working pretty hard lately too, and is basically running on fumes. And tonight she’s at home with two kids: one teenager who’s popped her knee and is basically useless, sprawled out on the couch and making intermittent demands; and a high-needs, hyperactive five-year-old who would have more appropriately been named Damien, whose current favorite activity is doing body slams on his sister’s bad knee.
And let’s add to that the fact that she’s still recovering from a lingering virus.
So you get an IM from her, saying, basically “Hurry home and save me!”
And you respond by saying that you were planning on working late.
And then this pops up:
Would you think that maybe:
a) She’s telling you that you should stay at work because everything’s fine and you have priorities.
or
b) You will return home to find a blanket and pillow on the front porch, and a smoldering pile of your belongings on the lawn.
Well, in the interest of maintaining an affectionate relationship with my wife, I opted to head home immediately.
I called home on the way, a little apprehensive of what I might be greeted with.
As it turns out, she really didn’t mind if I stayed at work, because she did understand completely that I needed to work late to get my project completed.
I could have interpreted that line in her IM at face value.
I should have known this; the second interpretation would have been out of character for her. Dang old IM doesn’t have any way of conveying emotion or subtext.
So let this be a lesson to you all: know your wife, but be ready to switch gears quickly just to be on the safe side.
I would have made the same interpretation mistake you did. Mainly because I have sent similar messages in crazed frenzies. Usually with a few minutes time I am able to catch my breath and can message back “Stay at work, I’ll be okay. Just needed to vent and catch my breath”.
(MD) And you all are perfectly entitled to your crazed frenzies; I wouldn’t deny that. But it sure got my mind racing.
I should have used different words. In my mind all was well (except kids fighting driving me crazy but WeaselMomma gave me great advice – duct tape, Benadryl and wine for me).
(Husband) It’s all good. I should have figured it out before I dashed out of the office. Did I mention I was going in to work this weekend? Ha! I kid.
How wonderful that you were both willing and able to change gears just to be safe!
(MD) I hadn’t thought of it that way, but you’re right – we were both looking out for each other.
I have been in trouble about working too much lately. I would have done the same thing you did. If we could ever come up with a way to convey emotion in all our electronic written communication we could be rich. I have had way too many emails go bad for that reason.
(MD) I guess that’s why they made smilies in the first place, but it’s too easy to mistake their appearance as irony, which can really get you screwed up bad.
Women can be so hard to read. Our misunderstanding of things like this comes from the times they burned us with the “fine” and “I don’t want a present” years ago. Good call though, I always try to error on the side of being there for my wife too.
(MD) I learned almost from the outset that “I don’t want a present” means “You’d better not disappoint me, pal, or you’re toast.” Always better to err on the side of caution. Or at least have a great back up plan.
You did everything right. If my husband came flying home to be with me, even after I sent him a message saying everything was ok, he’d be treated like a king for quite some time. What you did is romantic, even if you didn’t correctly interpret her message. And on men understanding women and “reading” them correctly, I just don’t think it’s going to happen, at least not electronically.
(MD) Romantic? Wow… did I rack up some points there somewhere? Hmmm, maybe I’ve earned a batch of her chocolate chip cookies. Mmmm, mmm!