History Averted

It was a near miss.

We nearly pulled Michael out of his in-home preschool completely yesterday.

There were countless reasons: alleged complaints from parents about their kids being hurt by Michael, notes that come home describing Michael’s apparent inability to sit still or stay focused, reports of Michael being overwhelmed by the noise of the music program, Michael’s own grumblings about not wanting to go each morning.

And then there was the great peanut incident of last Friday. Michael came home wearing different clothes, and he told me that he wasn’t supposed to have peanuts so they changed him. That evening I found a bag of peanuts in his lunch box, which made no sense at all. I asked one of the teachers the following Monday what had happened, and she said they were concerned that Michael had brought peanuts to school, when there is a very clear no-peanut policy (one of the students has a severe allergy to peanuts). I explained that we don’t pack peanuts; either they were given to him or he snuck them by us somehow.

And then there was the conference that Michael’s mommy was brought in to Monday afternoon, when she’d gone to pick Michael up after having a very stressful and heartbreaking day at work. She left feeling that maybe Michael wasn’t fitting in, again.

To us, this seemed identical to the situation we’d encountered when Michael was two. It was something we never wanted to face again.

My wife and I talked about it Monday evening, and decided by Tuesday afternoon that Michael would not be going there any longer. She and I would take turns staying home with him for the forseeable future. To spare him, to spare us, to spare everyone.

When my wife arrived to collect Michael and his belongings, Ms S (the owner/operator/principal) went above and beyond to explain the back story to each situation.

It turns out that there was only one parent complaining, and that situation is well understood to be a spurious clash between Michael and one other student only. She said that Michael has made tremendous progress in his ability to sit still and to stay focused. While he is overwhelmed by the sound and activity level of the music class, it is something they understand and cope with, and hope to find a resolution for.

The bottom line is that they very much want Michael to stay.

My wife and I were very relieved to know this, and were encouraged enough to change our course and keep Michael going there until summer, and after that it’s off to public kindergarten.

In the mean time his mom and I will be working to find methods for helping Michael improve his ability to consistently make better choices, to control his temper and to improve his focus.

And of course, we have Sister L to keep in mind, since his behavior patterns so far have followed hers almost to the letter. She made huge improvements as she grew, and we know he will too.