We have an official diagnosis, and a pathway to wellness.
The story begins quite a while ago, and most recently came to the fore when Michael began Kindergarten. Read about that here.
Every day there’s something. Michael doesn’t do his work. Michael isn’t paying attention. Michael is mixing it up with the other kids. Michael is crying and refuses to be comforted. Michael is wandering the halls instead of playing outside at recess.
Every day the reports come home, every day I have to talk with him about what behavior is acceptable and what isn’t.
In the space of three months I’ve been called by the principal more times than I would have ever expected to spanning my career as a parent. Her calls usually go the same way: Michael’s in her office, Michael did this or that, she just doesn’t know what to do, she might have to suspend him, and do I have any suggestions (well, I’d suggest we get another principal, like the guy we had before, but…)? Some times she tells me I have to come get him. Like I don’t have work to do or anything. And didn’t she say that they were the experts, that they know what’s best for our child? I have my doubts.
His mom and I want to nip this in the bud. We do not want our child to be labeled “The Troublemaker” or “The Bad Kid”. He may end up believing it himself.
We have had many meetings with Michael’s teacher. We have had many meetings with the school psychologist and the school counselor. We have worked out plans and shared ideas and thoughts and anecdotes. The school psychologist suggested that Michael was autistic. This, because she saw him run on his tiptoes once. Once.
In addition to all of this, Michael has been seeing an independent psychologist every week. This has been where we’ve made the most progress.
She has diagnosed Michael with Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder, Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder and perhaps a touch of Oppositional Defiance Disorder. ADHD, OCD, ODD. A lot of Ds going on there.
She suggested a first-level medication to help with that, so his pediatrician prescribed Concerta.
In case there are those who aren’t familiar with ADHD or the medications prescribed for it, let me provide a little insight. Concerta, like Ritalin and others, is a brain stimulant. The theory is that kids with ADHD (or ADD) are deficient in the level of internal stimulation their brains are receiving naturally. This makes them easily bored and distracted as they seek external stimulation, to “feed the need”. The Concerta helps boost the internal stimulation level, allowing them to control themselves and not seek so much external stimulation. Contrary to popular belief, medications like this are not depressants; they don’t act to slow a kid down.
Anyway, Michael has been on Concerta for a week now. And he’s been visiting the psychologist for four weeks, and his mom and I are getting some training in how best to interact with him when he gets into certain behavioral states: how to ignore tantrums, how to field repetitive questions, how to praise those behavior traits we like to see, and how to help extinguish those we don’t.
We’ve all learned a ton in this time.
And while we can’t say Michael’s cured, we can see some improvement. There have been ups and downs, but overall it’s looking good.
Time will tell, but I’m willing to take the small victories and keep making the baby steps toward wellness.
I hope that this is the beginning of a smoother road ahead.
(MD) Us too. It’s looking promising so far.
These things present challenges no parent is ever fully prepared for. I’m so glad to hear that this may be the start of something great for your entire family. I originally came to your blog through the Guide to Online School’s list of Dad blogs which I was also included on (www.raisingafather.blogspot.com). I’ve read through a bunch of your posts and love the kinds of things you throw up here and feel like you sincerely post from the heart and its a privilege to allow us other parents in on your learnings. I recently wrote a book about my experiences raising a daughter, which of course turned into a memoir of how my daughter actually raised me. I have some extra books laying around the house and wanted to offer a book to you for a give-away from your blog if you’d like. We could arrange any numbers of requirements for your readers or none at all, then select a reader from the comments at random for the winner of the book give-away. Check out the blog to get a flavor of the book if you’d like, and let me know if this is something you’d be interested in offering your readers.
Happy parenting!
(MD) The book sounds excellent. I’ll have to take a look. Thanks for dropping by!
Wow, that’s a lot for you guys to handle, but I’m so glad that it looks like you’re on the right path now. I hope things continue to get better!
(MD) I’m sure they will. We have a lot of help backing us up.
Michael’s position in the family has created a unique situation. He has received much attention with a lot of it negative because of his behavior.
Frankly, he seems pretty normal to me but I do not see him that often so perhaps I am not getting all the clues. There is always the Asperger thing that I think is on my side of the family, I am just learning about that so it all takes time but the principal sounds pretty lame to me.
Hope this new medicine works for him because I see a little boy who is not nearly happy enough. Just a grandma’s observation but I love him dearly and want the best him and for the whole family also.
(MD) Well, he’s normal for our family. He’s following in sister L’s footsteps pretty closely, and she’s turned out great.
I never realized that to be Michaels Mommy I needed my PhD in Psychology! This has been a time of a lot of learning for us as parents. Michael is very normal to our family, but he just doesn’t seem to fit the cookie cutter world that makes up our school system.
(Hubby) We have learned a ton. We should write a book.
I am so happy Michael has you two for parents. Keep up the good work!
(MD) You’re too kind. We’ll keep up the work. Not many other options.
I pray that this is the path that works. Hopefully this is the start of something that will be successful. Since I am big on prayer I am going to keep praying that this thing works itself out soon. Good luck.
Thanks for explaining the Ritalin ADHD thing. I never understoon why they gave a stimulant for hyperactivity. Of course I never thought to look it up either.
Like the others, I hope this path is the one that works for all of you. I’m praying for you. It would my wish that all parents would be like you and go all out for their children, learning and working to keep their children healthy and happy. You guys are wonderful.
Having been down (and still traveling) a similar path with my son, I understand how overwhelming all the “letters” can become. I have often felt much like Michael’s Mommy myself.
Researching, asking questions, and always trying to find some humor helps my husband and me tremendously. Remember, he is in great hands – yours!
I just thought you needed another comment to make it 10. Well, maybe I need to leave another comment to make it even one better at 11!!
(Hubby) LOL. You’re so funny.
“it goes to 11″… Glad things are headed in a good direction, buddy!!
(MD) Thanks for taking it to 11, pal!
I’m a parent of an ADD kiddo. His wasn’t diagnosed until the end of 7th grade. When the diagnosis came in, and the docs wanted to try him on meds, I resisted at first. I begged them NOT to turn my child into a zombie. And I didn’t want to medicate him just to make him compliant and conformist. I love every ounce of his random, spontaneous, unique personality. They assured me that if the meds caused anything like that, we could stop immediately.
So, we started on meds in May 2009. What a difference it has made in HIS life. He is just as wonderful, but less frustrated. His personality is able to shine through now that his mental world is clearer. He’s still an individualist. Courageous and crazy, but compassionate and kind. His self esteem has even begun to turn around. He no longer sees himself as the kid who “can’t,” but a kid who “can.”