How To Get Dressed In The Morning
in thirty easy steps!
Step 1: Notice that your mom has brought your clothes downstairs and put them directly in front of you.
Step 2: Draw a smiley face on your Magna-Doodle.
Step 3: fling your stuffed dolphin into the air five or six times. build nest for dolphin.
Step 4: Acknowledge your father’s loud imperative with a grunt, drop nest pillows.
Step 5: Consider removing your pajama shirt.
Step 6: Notice depleted glow-stick lodged between couch cushions, remove and wave about.
Step 7: Take off pajama top.
Step 8: Ask to watch SpongeBob.
Step 9: Complain about the unfairness of not being able to watch SpongeBob until after getting dressed and finishing breakfast.
Step 10: Take off pajama bottom.
Step 11: Attempt to turn pajama bottom right-side out, abandon project after succeeding only in repeatedly turning it out half right, alternating between one leg and then the other.
Step 12: Ask where clothes are.
Step 13: Prance around naked until father redirects you.
Step 14: Notice large orange ruler nearby, insert into strap of dolphin pillow pet.
Step 15: Hunt for underwear.
Step 16: Ask where clothes are again.
Step 17: Notice clothes are underneath pillows and blankets that you’d just strewn around back around steps 3 and 4.
Step 18: Pull on underwear, complain of them being tight. consider father’s words about how the tightness might be due to them being on sideways.
Step 19: Re-orient underwear.
Step 20: Place socks on hands, put on a sock puppet show for parents.
Step 21: Put pants on. backwards.
Step 22: Ask father how much three plus three plus four plus four plus six plus twenty plus a billion plus a billion plus one thousand is.
Step 23: Ignore father’s dictate to finish putting on clothes.
Step 24: Drape shirt over arms and tuck under chin to make it look like it you’re wearing it.
Step 25: Repeat math question.
Step 26: Insist to your father that you’re actually wearing your shirt, therefore you’re done getting dressed.
Step 27: Actually put on shirt.
Step 28: Repeat step 22, tucking chin to chest to make it look like you’re trying to fool your father into believing that you really didn’t put on your shirt.
Step 29: Mutter that your father has no sense of humor.
Step 30: Place socks on feet.
See how simple that is? In a matter of a mere forty-eight minutes, you’ll be fully dressed and ready to go.
Next time I’ll cover the thirty five steps to eating your Wheaties.
Well that explains why I always feel like napping just after Michael leaves for school.
(Hubby) It also explains why I’m so exhausted when I get to work.
Great play-by-play description! Michael is so entertaining!
(MD) That he is. I figured I shouldn’t keep this kind of entertainment all to myself.
Sounds very Michael. I wonder what tasks you were neglecting in order to get such a detailed account of the events.
(MD) Why, I’m cut to the quick! Neglecting tasks in order to journal the morning’s antics? Me? Perish the thought.
Having just been there and witnessed the morning dressing ritual, I can attest to the accuracy of it all. I am surprised Michael did not discuss watching the turbines emanate power as he did for me. He is nothing if not lots of fun. Love him!!
(MD) He did use “emanate” in a sentence this morning, so he’s got it covered for the week.
Youngest daughter was a lot like Michael. My favorite was putting shoes in her lap and then they disappeared. Found them in very strange places. Thing was, she had not moved after shoes put in lap. Still just a little spooky.
(MD) That is spooky. Could she do that with socks too?
I’d say repeat step 23 four or five more times and this would be like my kids.
(MD) I’ve yet to meet a kid who did anything on the first request.
48 minutes? Oh my gosh. I don’t miss those days at all. haha
(MD) He’s been a little wild man lately. I think he’s sneaking cheese sticks up to his room or something: it’s allergy behavior for sure.
Socks not so much. Just now and then. But after reading about MIchael and thinking about my daughter, I started laughing. It is funny and spooky and I miss those days. Very exasperated at the time, but not so much anymore. ENJOY!!!!
I feel your pain!
Oh and nice redesign, btw. I guess I have been sequestered away from the computer and any pleasure reading for much longer than I realized.
It’s nice to be back, if only part time.
(MD) Nice to see you back! Part time is better than no time.
test, test, 1, 2, 3 … testing, testing
It WORKS!!!!
(Hubby) Yay! You have an avatar! Nice to see you.