When I was 20 or so, I had a blurry, abstract vision of what marriage was like: husband relaxing in leather chair reading paper in one room, children playing noisily in another room, wife in yet another room cheerfully going about her business. Everyone content, everyone occupied. And everyone keeping safe distances; each giving nothing and requiring nothing.
“Marriage is a lot of work,” people would say. And I’d nod and consider those words, but never appreciate them. “Marriage can be really hard,” they’d say. How hard could it be, if two people love each other enough? What more is there?
A lot more.
Even at this late point in my life, I am still learning what “a lot of work” means. And even if the circumstances are extremely troublesome, the work isn’t unpleasant when it is for the benefit of someone you love dearly.
In December of 2008, just after Christmas, my wife had a heart attack. She was attended to by the best team in the Pacific Northwest, and after placement of a stent in the blocked heart vessel, she was pretty much good as new.
Until just recently, when we discovered that the stent has closed over with scar tissue, bringing her pretty much right back to where she was. Ever the tough cookie, her body responded by growing brand new blood vessels in an attempt to bypass the blockage. Amazing, how God designed us that way.
She’s scheduled for bypass surgery on Tuesday.
I don’t mind saying that I’m pretty scared. And so is she. Even though we know that the hospital is widely known for superior cardiac care. Even though we know that the surgeon is one of the best in the business, and he assured us that this operation is “a chip shot.”
Even so: this is very, very scary.
But I must be strong and confident and protect my wife, and provide the bedrock foundation that she needs right now, and before her surgery, and when she wakes up afterwards.
And while she’s away recuperating at the hospital over the following week, I’ll need to be firm and efficient at home directing kids to their tasks and ensuring that she has a calm, clean and pleasant home to return to. And I’ll need to be sure the bills are paid, the meals are cooked, the lawns are mowed, the laundry is washed and the dishes are done. And I must tend to the deadlines I have at work. And I must bring the kids to the hospital to visit their mom, to cheer and encourage her to do her part in getting well and coming home.
This is my work. It is part of the vows that I took. It is hard work. It takes a lot to keep it together and do it all correctly.
But for her, I would do it all a thousand times over for the remainder of our life together, and I’ll smile just knowing I can keep her.
I am the lucky one! You are the bestest husband EVER! God has blessed me greatly. I love you so very much and I appreciate you and how hard you work to keep everything together. Love forever and always, CC XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOX
Really sorry to hear about Jackie. Hope she is doing well. We will be praying for her, you and the kids. But you’re right about marriage. Your Dad and I are still working at ours especially now that his health and stamina is not what it used to be. But it is worth it. Chin up, you guys are doing well.
Thoughts and prayers to you all for a successful surgery and speedy recovery.
You’re a good man, Tom. You’re BOTH very lucky to have each other. I’ll be keeping Jackie (and the rest of you!) in my thoughts. Hope the surgery goes FABULOUSLY and she gets well soon!
All of our thoughts and prayers will be with you and your family for a successful surgery and a speedy recovery.
I’ll be praying for Jackie and the family…wish i was closer so I could help out….
My prayers will be with you. You are blessed to have one another and I not only wish your wife good health and a speedy recovery, but also peace of mind for you both.
Thoughts and prayers for a speedy recovery and that everything is back to normal for your family very soon.
Praying for your family and for a quick recovery.
I’m so sorry- that is very scary.
Looks like you have a lot of friends right here in the blogosphere to pray for you guys….
I was going to invite you to a contest we have going on over at The Blogging Buddies Social Network
We are having a contest for Dad bloggers….
If you get a moment in between everything check it out!
Carolee
Come on home – mom blog
Working at home advice
Tom, you are a rock! Jackie is so right, you are the best husband in the whole wide world. I know Jackie will feel so much better after she has recuperated from the by pass. I am glad that Ann will be there next week to help; I’ll be over to help in July.
Yes, Tom, you are wonderful but your mom wants you to be extra good to yourself during this trying time, okay?
It is no good if the caregiver falls apart. Many people really DO care about you as you can see.
Another step up the ladder. Love, Mom
I had no idea, Tom. Our thoughts and prayers will be with your entire family – through the entire ordeal of surgery, recovery, chores, meals and stress. I just wish that I was close enough to give some hands on assistance.