Tom yawns and he sets the last button on his jammies. He stretches and climbs aboard the Sleepytime Express, ready for a good night’s trip through Slumbertown. “Good evening, sir,” the driver says. “Usual stop? 4:30 AM?” “Not this time, Joe! It’s Saturday! I’ll be going straight on through town,” Tom says with a sleepy [...]

Sunday was a heck of a day. Not sure what his deal was, but Michael was in rare form, breaking previous records of impishness-per-minute. I was very much looking forward to my favorite part of the day, the time when I can tuck Michael in bed and basically be done with him. Bedtime rolled around [...]

Michael and his sisters and cousin are back from vacation at Grandma’s. I drove 173 miles to pick them up, 3+ hours of driving along the mighty Columbia river through alternately verdant and barren countryside, to reach a small town whose main claim to fame is being home to one of the few remaining coal-fired [...]

Wife: “Honey? The vacuum cleaner won’t turn on. I’ve tried three different plug-ins and it won’t work!” Husband: “Okay, sweetheart. Let me take a look at it.” Husband disassembles and performs tests on aforementioned vacuum cleaner, strokes non-existent beard thoughtfully while making various murmurs of concentration. Husband: “Ah ha! Here’s the problem. The cord retractor [...]

My wife and I have noticed recently that Michael has taken to questioning our driving abilities. Just about anywhere we go, seconds after we’ve left our neighborhood, Michael will begin loudly casting doubts upon our course: “Are you sure you know where you’re going?” “I don’t think this is the right way.” “We’re getting lost.” [...]

Step daughter is standing in front of the refrigerator, staring blankly in to it. After a moment or two I ask what the issue is. “I’m looking for something to eat,” she says. “I made blintzes this morning. There is one left.” “Really? Where?” “Right in there,” I say, pointing inside at the top shelf. [...]

Not too long ago, I recounted the tale of a difficult weekend. On Monday I was breathing a sigh of relief to be shut of it. Little did I know what level of Dante’s Inferno I’d be touring the very next weekend. I think it began when I announced plans for a family excursion to [...]

In 1947, Norwegian explorer Thor Heyerdahl set sail across the pacific in a hand-made raft to prove his hypothesis that the Polynesian islands could have been reached and thus settled by South Americans in pre-Columbian times, using only the kinds of stuff they had available at the time: wood, bamboo, and a whole lot of [...]

So how was your weekend? It rained here. My wife tells me it rains here every year at this time, and I just don’t seem to remember that. I don’t remember a lot of stuff. Every Memorial Day weekend I attempt to smoke a large hunk of meat for dinner. That is, I haul out [...]

1. Even phantoms need to print counterfeit money. 2. Breaking and entering is okay with the police as long as you do it because you’re solving a mystery. 3. Pizza is best eaten by spinning it on your finger and taking rapid-fire bites. 4. Bad guys know where to buy glowing paint. 5. Bad guys [...]