Yesterday Michael, his mom and I drove up a short way into Washington to retrieve sister S, who’d spent a week with her dad. Her first grand announcement as we pulled back onto the freeway headed for home: “I’m a vegan now!” “Good luck with that,” I replied. See, this is a girl who only [...]

(We’re on our way to church camp. Michael is excited.) Michael: “Daddy? Why is the road blocked over there? What are those cones? They’re working on those rocks, aren’t they? There are a lot of rocks. They’ll break your tires if you drove over them whoa! That’s a twirly sprinkler! Have you ever seen a [...]

Michael has a lot of little characteristic behaviors that tend to belie his actual age. One of them is his construction of imponderable phrases: “How come the ice cream trucks are all the time?” (translation: “I’ve seen over four ice cream trucks pass today. That seems excessive.”) or “I need to save my laughs, because [...]

Michael, holding plum between thumb and forefinger, for me to see: “Mommy and Daddy? Can I eat this?” Mommy: “You need to wash that off first.” Michael: “Where can I wash it?” Daddy: “Anywhere you can find running water.” Michael trots to the bathroom and rinses plum off under faucet, then saunters back, nibbling on [...]

There are times when I think maybe Michael might be an alien. Sometimes I just can’t figure him out; what his motivations are, what his thought processes are, where his road is taking him. By this, I mean that he often does and says things that I simply cannot reason out. A few weekends ago [...]

Michael is now employing the “truth hurts so I’ll lie” method to handling new and different foods. He says “I love it,” meaning “that was vile, but I get in trouble for being brutally honest about how disgusting certain foods are so I’ll say what I think you want to hear so you’ll leave me [...]

My wife and I have noticed recently that Michael has taken to questioning our driving abilities. Just about anywhere we go, seconds after we’ve left our neighborhood, Michael will begin loudly casting doubts upon our course: “Are you sure you know where you’re going?” “I don’t think this is the right way.” “We’re getting lost.” [...]

Same stepdaughter in an exchange with her mom: Mom: “So what’s your schedule tomorrow?” S: “I dunno.” Mom: “Aren’t you going to the movies with your friends?” S: “No, I’m not!” (delivered with the sort of derisive tone only a teen girl can properly construct) Mom: “But didn’t you tell me yesterday you were going [...]

Step daughter is standing in front of the refrigerator, staring blankly in to it. After a moment or two I ask what the issue is. “I’m looking for something to eat,” she says. “I made blintzes this morning. There is one left.” “Really? Where?” “Right in there,” I say, pointing inside at the top shelf. [...]

It’s morning, and Michael is once again in mommy & daddy’s room making sure we don’t do anything crazy like sleep past 6:00 AM. He’s chattering at his mom as she quietly puts together his outfit for the day, all the while giving ear to the morning news in hopes of hearing a positive weather [...]