Being Michael’s Daddy

Archive for the ‘inscrutable’ category

Fun With Language

February 6th, 2010

Michael: “What’s for dinner, daddy?”
Daddy: “Nachos.”
Michael: “Yummy! I love nachos! What are nachos?”
Daddy: “Taco meat, tortilla chips, salsa, other stuff if you like.”
Michael: “No cheese?”
Daddy: “Not for you. I know better than that.”
Michael: “It’s like a taco?”
Daddy: “Basically. It’s a taco in another form. A deconstruction.”
(brief pause)
Michael: “You know, ‘nacho’ is Spanish for ‘taco’.”
Daddy, laughing: [...]

The Book

February 1st, 2010

Michael’s currently enrolled in a private, in-home kindergarten. We decided against sending him to public school this year, and the decision was not made lightly.
We felt he wasn’t ready for public school yet. More accurately, it could be said that public school isn’t ready for Michael yet.
But whichever way you slice it, we’re looking for [...]

East to Easter

January 7th, 2010

On our way to school and work, Michael and I step out of the front door and onto the porch. A bitter chill greets us as the wind whips along the walkway.
“Brrrr!” Michael says, pulling his coat close around him.
“Yes, it’s chilly! It’s the cold front from the east seeping over this way,” I explain [...]

You Did What, Exactly?

December 24th, 2009

I’m sitting on the couch, trying to pretend I’m not awake yet.
Michael suddenly runs to the bathroom to grab a wet wipe, and quickly returns and starts scrubbing down his little plastic slide.
“Don’t worry, daddy. I’ll get the germs off.”
“What?”
“It’s on the slide, right there,” he points to a black smudge at the end [...]

Smack

December 7th, 2009

Sister S: “What are you making?”
Michael’s Mom: “Corn muffins.”
Sister S: “Ewww!”
Me: “Why ‘ewww’?”
Sister S: “It sounds gross.”
Me: “Have you had cornbread?”
Sister S: “Yes.”
Me: “Well, it’s the same thing, just in muffin form.”
Sister S: “Ewwww.”
Me: “What makes it ewww? It’s the same darn thing!”
Sister S: “Because I don’t like cornbread.”
Me, to Michael’s Mommy: “Can I smack [...]

Big Help

November 29th, 2009

Michael was itching to help me put up Christmas lights today. It’s a big job, and requires use of the much-hallowed ladder, that glorious construct that allows a person of small stature to achieve great heights.
Daddy was up on the ladder, mommy was helping out below.
“I can climb the ladder!” Michael announces, proudly.
“No, daddy is [...]

Shower Fresh

November 14th, 2009

Michael’s just gotten out of his shower, and his mom is applying the finishing touches: a few spritzes of hair stuff and a quick brush.
“What are you doing, mama?” he asks, annoyed.
“Trying to make you just like daddy,” she says, brightly, parting his hair the way I do.
“What? You mean I’m going to smell like [...]

Lunchbox Lamentation

November 9th, 2009

My poor, dear wife.
This morning, like so many others that have come before, she faced a dread responsibility. A wearying, nigh insurmountable task.
I could see it plainly in her posture as she mentally prepared herself, gathering her inner strength. She slowly closed her eyes, said a silent prayer, took a deep breath, and began:
“Michael, what [...]

How Gracious Of You

September 28th, 2009

Over the summer, Michael had a month-long vacation from his normal daycare schedule. His mom and I thought it would be good for him to have a restructuring transition period at home with each of us before heading off to kindergarten. We would provide a fairly structured routine that would include plenty of activity and [...]

Cat Ovals

September 11th, 2009

Michael: “Daddy? Can I have some cat ovals?”
Daddy: “Cat ovals?”
Michael: “Yes.”
Daddy: “I don’t know what cat ovals are.”
Michael: “They’re cat ovals.”
Daddy: “That doesn’t mean anything to me. What are cat ovals?”
Michael: “caaaat… oooh… vuhls!“
Daddy: “I heard you just fine the first time. But what is a cat oval?”
Michael: “They’re yummy.”
Daddy: “I’m sure they are. But [...]

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Who’s Michael?

Michael is the surprise son of a second-time married couple who, having daughters from their respective previous marriages, believed they were through having kids. He's a red-headed ball of fire who hit the ground running and hasn't stopped to take a breath since. Every day he gives me new ways to learn patience, resourcefulness, firmness and love by providing intense training under live fire conditions.

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