Category Archives: ponderings

TGIM

I often look forward to Mondays, oddly enough.

Many weekends turn out to be anything but that much sought-after safe harbor of relaxation and stress relief.

On these weekends, trouble comes in a continual flood, whether it be in the form of white-hot, soul-draining teenage angst, dealings with inconsiderate neighbors, unfinished (or un-budgeted) projects, a whirlwind schedule, or any of countless other stress-inducing conditions or situations.

This last weekend was no exception.

And in times of stress, I like to clean. It’s the purging of clutter and the reclamation of horizontal surfaces that make me feel better. I take out my aggression  upon things, showing no mercy in my tossing of old stuff that I might have considered useful at one time, or things that I stashed to “deal with later”.

Thus, I spent the better part of yesterday cleaning the garage, putting away the last of the Christmas boxes, reorganizing shelves and tossing old junk. I cleaned my workbench too. What had been a hopeless tangle of tools, screws, wire and miscellaneous project parts is now a clean desktop ready for the next project.

This weekends frustrations yielded a few nice dividends:

1) Those frustrations were resolved peacefully.

2) My garage is clean enough to get my car in, out of the rain and cold.

I came to work this morning with a calm and peaceful attitude, driving a warm, dry car.

Life is good.

A New Year

We got a lot done this weekend, which always makes me feel wealthy.

The Oregon weather was very accommodating for outside work, even in this traditionally dismal time of year. It was downright warm on Saturday, and though the skies presented an ever-impending threat of rain, it never came. I was able to get the Christmas tree stripped and dragged out to the front curb, and tag it with the large green note for the Boy Scouts who come along and take used Christmas trees off to their final destination, whatever that might be.

Later I was able to take down the last of the outdoor Christmas lights. It was a snap, too, thanks to those marvelous cup hooks I’d installed up a few weeks ago.

Michael started a new sport this last Saturday, too: Basketball. He has been so excited to play. Luckily, we had a regulation-sized Junior basketball on hand. It needed a good pumping up but it had plenty of bounce. Michael learned how to dribble, pass and shoot in the space of an hour – and he’s quite good  at it. When we got home he wanted to practice more.

“Well, I have to get the car in the garage, which means I need to get it cleaned up and Christmas stuff put away…”

“Okay! You do that and I’ll help,” he said. And by help, he means that he’d pick up random objects and play with them in random ways and put them down in random places and then run off to watch SpongeBob after he gets bored.

So this gave me impetus to clean more, which I did. Got the garage almost completely cleared out on my side. Unfortunately time ran out, and other duties called.

Sunday was more of the same, with the added bonus of thoroughly cleaning the backyard and having home made pizza for dinner. Thrown in there was a walk for mom & dad and a bike ride for Michael, culminating with an impromptu playdate for Michael with his best friend J. All in all, a successful, productive weekend.

Michael starts swimming again tonight. With a regular swim schedule on weekdays and basketball on Saturday, this kid is going to have plenty of outlets for all that energy. At least, that’s our hope. He really enjoys swimming, and I am maintaining my Olympic dreams for him (Michael Phelps was said to be afraid of putting his head in the water at seven years old, so our little guy has already got a jump on him). 2020 maybe, 2024 for sure.

But maybe he’ll like basketball even more. There’s room for another Michael in the hoops world, I think. Although, he’s likely going to have a bit of a height disadvantage.

He needs these opportunities in sports to learn how to work in a team environment: how to lose or win gracefully, how to share, and how to function as a vital part of a greater whole. ADHD kids are generally challenged in the “plays well with others” area, but he’s made tremendous strides over the last few years, and we’re confident that his school environment, friendships and the extra-curricular activities of basketball and swimming this year will continue to help shape his social senses.

In any case, I’m very pleased that his competitive nature drives him to perform well in the water and on the court, and that he’s motivated to be physically active. It’ll serve him well no matter what his life’s ambitions are.

I have no doubt that 2012 will be an exciting year for us. Even if there aren’t Olympic tryouts for 7-year-olds.

Connections

On a morning not long ago, I stood at the bus stop with Michael while we waited for his school bus to arrive.

One of the other boys at the stop asked me if I noticed what was new.

“Uh, let’s see… your jacket, and your socks!”

“That’s right! Aren’t they awesome?” He yanked off a shoe to give me the full awesome experience. He went on to say that he’d gotten them at the Nike plant. His older brother chimed in that their dad works there and so they get a great discount.

“That is a great deal,” I said, marveling.

Soon we were joined by another neighbor and her daughters, then another. Across the street, another neighbor stood on the corner carefully raking bright magenta and orange leaves from a planter and on to the sidewalk. I called across the street to jokingly ask whether he’d rake my leaves too.

“Well, there’s a waiting list,” he called back.

I laughed.

Even as recently as last spring, we did not really know any of these people. Though they have been our neighbors for the last eight years, we had not met a single one of them.

That changed this summer, because of my wife’s open heart surgery.

Ever since we moved here in 2003, the only people on our street that we knew on a first-name basis lived across the street from us. We had a nodding acquaintance with neighbors next door, and might even spare a wave to the others, but that was the extent of our relationship. Pitiful.

All these years, we lived pretty much alone, though we were right in the midst of so many other lives.

And then, we started walking.

Walking was absolutely necessary for my wife’s recovery. The doctor told her she needed to keep moving and get strong, and walking was the best way.

It was slow going at first: we’d shuffle up the street and slowly amble around one cul-de-sac. On the sidewalks, the kids riding their bikes or doing chalk drawings or tossing a basketball through a hoop and the parents chatting amongst themselves would watch us pass by, but  would say nothing.

Every day we walked. My wife would walk faster and faster, and we’d travel farther and farther. Some times, we’d hear a comment come back: “You’re moving faster! Good work!”

On one pass, a curious neighbor (the leaf-raker at the start of the story) finally asked what the deal was: why did we walk by every night? We engaged in conversation, learned each other’s names and discovered that he was retired from teaching at a local university.

We soon met another neighbor, then another, and another… they all started to count on seeing us walking past every evening.

We discovered that Michael’s friend “J” lived on one of the cul-de-sacs on our route, which led to conversations with his parents and eventually led to Michael and J learning to ride their bikes as well as forming a great friendship.

Our presence, our connection to the neighbors near Michael’s bus stop made it easy for Michael to fit in to the group of kids who regularly ride the bus to school, and made riding the bus something to look forward to every morning.

This led to bringing those kids down to our street on Halloween night, now that they knew who Michael is and had expectations of seeing a really spooky place down a road they had ignored for all these years.

Which leads us to where we are now, fully engaged in friendly connections with the neighbors, something I hadn’t ever expected in this area, and something I hadn’t really enjoyed for probably 40 years, when I was growing up on that little street in Carmichael, where we were all so close.

I’m really looking forward to next Summer, when we can all be outside again, forging deeper connections.

Back to Work

My wife went back to work today.

Since her surgery in June, she’s been out on disability. Tearing into someone’s chest cavity to work on their heart is pretty traumatic to their muscles and bones, which need time to heal.

She’s been doing physical therapy, walking every day, going to a special cardiac rehabilitation exercise course twice a week and otherwise being careful about what she picks up. She’s been working hard to prepare herself for her return to work, though for quite a while we basked in the luxury of knowing that it would be some time before she had to go back.

But time continued its relentless march, remorseless and indifferent, to drag us to this day. It was strange going through the old motions, getting up at 4:30 and helping her get ready, making breakfast and coffee and being sure she had her cell phone and work badge and everything. It was almost surreal waving goodbye as she drove off into the pinkness of the approaching dawn.

I got a message from her that she got to work on time, was able to park in a good spot, and managed to perform her first procedure without any difficulty.

Michael asked where his mommy was. I had to explain that she was at work. I don’t think he grasped what I meant, since Mommy hadn’t been to work for the whole summer. Just the same, he got his morning shower, got dressed, had breakfast and we played just a bit before I hauled him up to the bus stop.

I’m not sure why, but it’s almost like I have to drag him there. He shuffles his feet and hangs back four paces unless I have a good grip on his arm and can scoot him along.

We aren’t on great terms with the rest of the kids at the bus stop, the ones from the twin cul-de-sacs where Michael’s bike-riding friend lives. It feels a bit like we’re interlopers. And though there is no explicit exclusion, I can’t help but notice that they’ve all got little conversations going on amongst themselves, with their backs to Michael. And they seem to be very protective of “The Line”. This is the queue that forms for getting on the bus. The first to arrive at the stop in the morning begins the line, and each successive kid takes his or her place behind the last one. On our first visit to the bus stop this year, we made the grand faux pas of trying to place Michael at the front of the line, being utterly unfamiliar with the protocol. Eventually the bus arrives, and the kids get on. They all sit in the same seats every time, so the point of maintaining the sanctity of the line is lost as soon as they reach the first step of the bus. I explained to Michael that it doesn’t matter whether he’s first or last in line: he’ll get on the bus, and he’ll get the seat he likes either way.

From all points of the compass, the less punctual kids come running. One of these is Michael’s friend J. The bus driver is kind and waits, lights flashing and doors open, for the stragglers. Eventually the doors shut and the bus rumbles down the street, a grey cloud of half-spent Diesel wafting behind. Michael waves at me from inside, making sure to make eye contact.

As I head back home, I happen to glance down the street at another house, where Michael’s friend E lives. I smile a little thinking of his recent play date there. She had been in his class last year, and we only discovered at the end of the school year that she lives two doors down on the other side of the street. He had been clamoring to play with her all summer, but every time we stopped by, nobody was home. When we rang the bell on Sunday, though, it was a different story. E’s dad came to the door, and was delighted to see that E had a friend calling. He ushered us around the back of the house, where we discovered a small, lush forest glen, complete with tall trees and trailing vines, a verdant arbor covering a cozy patio and a two-story playhouse. Michael was instantly enchanted, and immediately entered the play house.

Then E came running out, a huge smile on her face. She ran into the play house and disappeared. Her dad said “Funny thing, she was so crabby a few minutes ago, but when I said Michael was here, her mood changed completely.”

Michael had established another neighborhood friendship. It only took all summer to get it started.

But summer is over, and we’re now fully back to the compulsory aspects of our life.

There’s still a bit more sunny and warm days ahead though… I hope we can make the best of them.

In Sickness…

When I was 20 or so, I had a blurry, abstract vision of what marriage was like: husband relaxing in leather chair reading paper in one room, children playing noisily in another room, wife in yet another room cheerfully going about her business. Everyone content, everyone occupied. And everyone keeping safe distances; each giving nothing and requiring nothing.

“Marriage is a lot of work,” people would say. And I’d nod and consider those words, but never appreciate them. “Marriage can be really hard,” they’d say. How hard could it be, if two people love each other enough? What more is there?

A lot more.

Even at this late point in my life, I am still learning what “a lot of work” means. And even if the circumstances are extremely troublesome, the work isn’t unpleasant when it is for the benefit of someone you love dearly.

In December of 2008, just after Christmas, my wife had a heart attack. She was attended to by the best team in the Pacific Northwest, and after placement of a stent in the blocked heart vessel, she was pretty much good as new.

Until just recently, when we discovered that the stent has closed over with scar tissue, bringing her pretty much right back to where she was. Ever the tough cookie, her body responded by growing brand new blood vessels in an attempt to bypass the blockage. Amazing, how God designed us that way.

She’s scheduled for bypass surgery on Tuesday.

I don’t mind saying that I’m pretty scared. And so is she. Even though we know that the hospital is widely known for superior cardiac care. Even though we know that the surgeon is one of the best in the business, and he assured us that this operation is “a chip shot.”

Even so: this is very, very scary.

But I must be strong and confident and protect my wife, and provide the bedrock foundation that she needs right now, and before her surgery, and when she wakes up afterwards.

And while she’s away recuperating at the hospital over the following week, I’ll need to be firm and efficient at home directing kids to their tasks and ensuring that she has a calm, clean and pleasant home to return to. And I’ll need to be sure the bills are paid, the meals are cooked, the lawns are mowed, the laundry is washed and the dishes are done. And I must tend to the deadlines I have at work. And I must bring the kids to the hospital to visit their mom, to cheer and encourage her to do her part in getting well and coming home.

This is my work. It is part of the vows that I took. It is hard work. It takes a lot to keep it together and do it all correctly.

But for her, I would do it all a thousand times over for the remainder of our life together, and I’ll smile just knowing I can keep her.

Work

There comes a time when a man knows it’s time to put on his work boots, roll up his sleeves and get to work.

What’s gotta get done, has gotta get done, pleasant or not.

There’s no real rest until the work is complete.

But after it’s done… then that rest is sweet and good.

Heat

Years ago, when I was a technician at a well-known electronics component manufacturer, we did an experiment to demonstrate the benefits of using our products.

We used a thermal imaging camera to take a snapshot of a working computer circuit board: one with our components, and one with the competitors. We were going to give customers visible proof that our components ran cooler and thus consumed less power.

We discovered something entirely unexpected: the “after” image not only showed that our components ran cooler, but it showed that using our components made the other components (including the microprocessor) run cooler.

This baffled us at first, until a company physicist explained what we were seeing: with the competitor’s products running so hot, the microprocessor had no place to dissipate its heat. But with ours in place and running cool, the microprocessor was able to offload that heat and run cooler.

In other words, it wasn’t just one area that was affected by the relief from excess heat, it was the whole system.

Families work the same way. When even one member is overloaded with stress, that stress is absorbed and magnified by everyone in the family.

Relieving just one person’s stress makes it possible for the entire family to feel the relief.

That’s easier said than done… but it makes sense. And it means it’s a really good thing for mom and/or dad to have a stress relief outlet – whether it’s something physical like running or swimming or biking, or something epicurean like cooking, or even spending just half an hour alone in prayer.

Forcing yourself to take the time to offload that stress will make a huge difference in the stress level of the whole family.

Quoth Daddy

“Thanking the universe for your blessings is like thanking the walls of the restaurant for your meal.” – Me.

Smartness

The Portland area forecast is for rain/snow mix, and lots of it. They’ve been talking about it for days.

I’ve already assured my wife I’ll be bringing my laptop home from work in case we get snowed in. She’s requested that I put her snow tires on in case it’s really bad.

I drove to work today in wintry conditions: foreboding sprinkles and near-freezing temperatures.

So naturally, for my lunchtime errand, despite seeing the heavy, dark ominous clouds looming overhead and moving inland, my thought was:

“Nah, I don’t need to bring my coat.”

And after returning from my errand, looking very much like a drowned rat from having sprinted through the sudden (but nonetheless predictable) deluge of sleet and rain, I ponder my choice. Was it a bad one? Yes.

Will I learn from it? Probably not.

I’m glad my wife puts up with me.

Things Unspoken

There’s stuff you can write about, and there is stuff you can’t.

Sometimes it seems like the “can’t say” stuff is just too much. You have to deal with them pretty much every day in some way or another; you have to shoulder weighty burdens that have no short-term resolution, if any…

“I got it! I got it! I got it!”

“I ain’t got it.”

…and you really want to write about it.

I’m sure you can all relate to this. Blogging can be very cathartic; it provides a venue for expressing frustrations and hopes and for relating funny family stories or regaling others with details of family adventures. But there are some things you just gotta keep to yourself.

Suffice it to say: I am very thankful for Michael’s Mommy who supports me, and for the Lord who renews my strength.